Perry’s Picks

Perry Olsen is the king of jokes, memes, and all things quirky. He has agreed to share his finds with us in a somewhat weekly column. Enjoy!

July 6

Employee Discount

July 13

Potato Masher

June 28

Starbucks

This one made me laugh out loud–Joyce

June 21

Croc

June 14

Grapefruit

June 7

Tiger

May 31

My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I’m trust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport. – Dennis Miller

May 24

Twain

May 17

Copy Paste

May 10

Together Since

May 9

If he’s really playing the bagpipes, it’s amazing!

May 4

Good Box

April 29, 2024

Cookie RecipeApril 23, 2024

Available ResourcesApril 19, 2024

  • Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?
  • Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
  • Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
  • Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
  • Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
  • Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites?
  • Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?
  • Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
  • How come abbreviated is such a long word?

April 14, 2024

Catepillar

April 7, 2024

Muddy Dogs

March 31

Dog

March 24

Junk

March 17

Lie

March 10

Tree

March 7

Collar Id

March 8

A few truisms for the Golfers:

  • A two-foot putt counts the same as a two-foot drive.
  • Never wash your ball on the tee of a water hole.
  • The only sure way to get a par is to leave a four-foot birdie putt two inches short of the hole.
  • One good shank deserves another.
  • Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
  • The rake is always in the other trap.
  • The rough will be mowed tomorrow.
  • The ball always lands where the pin was yesterday.
  • It always takes at least five holes to notice that a club is missing.

March 3

Botany

February 25

Spring

February 18

Life Is Hard

February 12

Grandma

February 6

Love A Dog

February 4

Boy Flute

January 28

Circle Of Life

January 21
Image012

January 14, 2024

Dr Appt

January 7, 2024
Bed And Breakfast

December 30

Bmi Chart

Locked Out

December 17 (a little something for everyone)

Dogs

Last Puzzle Piece

Comma

Fixing The World

November 6

Squat

October 3o

Ballet Girl

October 27

Cat Not A Quitter

October 24

Turkey Flamingo

October 17

Things to ponder as you age

  • The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54
  • The originator of gymnastics died at the age of 57
  • The past world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41
  • The best soccer player in history, Maradona, died at the age of 60

And then

  • KFC inventor died at 94
  • Inventor of Nutella brand died at the age of 88
  • Cigarette maker Winston died at the age of 102
  • The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 in an earthquake
  • Hennessy cognac, Irish inventor died at 98

How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?

  • The rabbit is always jumping, but it lives for only 2 years
  • The turtle that doesn’t exercise at all, lives 400 years

So…

Have a drink, take a nap, and if you wake up, have bacon and eggs.

October 11

Driving FastOctober 3

Golfer and caddy quotes:

  • Golfer: “I’ve played so poorly all day, that I think I’m going to go drown myself in that lake.”Caddy: “I doubt you could keep your head down that long.”
  • Golfer: “Caddy, do you think that my game is improving?” Caddy: “Oh yes sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to.”
  • Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, Caddy. It looks far too old”. Caddy: “Its been a long time since we started, Sir.”
  • Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?” Caddy: “Eventually.”
  • September 24

October 1

Russian Doll

September 18

LinesSeptember 15

Geese

September 12

Garage

September 9

Pee Pad

September 1

Image010

August 21

Puppies Truck

August 20

Image009

August 17

Hear Better

August 10

Dog

August 3

Perry says, “Some good ones!”

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” – Andy Rooney

“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.” – Jennifer Yane

“The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. – Mark Twain

“Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.” – John Wagner

“It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.” – Unknown

“The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.” – T.S. Elliot

“The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget.” – Unknown

“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino

“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” – George Burns

July 30

Hokey Pokey

July 22

Image Empty Airplane

July 20

Coke

July 16

Baby Gate

July 9

Image018

Parents School

Plans

July 5

Charades

July 3

Peguin

June 27

Dog Password

June 18

This is a tribute to Bob Hope.

  • ON TURNING 70  –  ‘I still chase women, but only downhill.’

  • ON TURNING 80  –  ‘That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.’

  • ON TURNING 90  –  ‘You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.’

  • ON TURNING 100  –  ‘I don’t feel old. In fact, I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.’

  • ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING  –  ‘I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.’

  • ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR  –  ‘Welcome to the Academy Awards, or as it’s called at my home, ‘Passover.’

  • ON GOLF  –  ‘Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.’

  • ON PRESIDENTS  –  ‘I have performed for 12 presidents but entertained only six.’

  • ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER  –  ‘When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.’

  • ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL  –  ‘I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.’

  • ON HIS FAMILY’S EARLY POVERTY  –  ‘Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.’

  • ON HIS SIX BROTHERS  –  ‘That’s how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.’

  • ON HIS EARLY FAILURES  –  ‘I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.’

  • ON GOING TO HEAVEN  –  ‘I’ve done benefits for ALL religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.’

June 11, 2023

Image002

June 4, 2023

Image015

May 31, 2023

Tennis Balls

May 27, 2023

Gondola

May 21, 2023

31 Years

..and a special request from a Perry fan

Puppy

May 16, 2023

Goat

May 14, 2023

Image Life Support

April 26, 2023

Image Scared Dog

April 20, 2023

Image008